By Allison Dembowski
The first Dembowski born in 26 years arrived September 8, 2016 at 3:09pm. She was 7 pounds, 9 ounces.
I woke up early the morning of September 7, at 38 weeks 1 day, with what I thought was a constant backache. When I fully woke up, I realized the pain was coming in waves, but I had been falling back asleep in between. I laid in bed for a while texting with my mom, Laura, about my symptoms. At the time, she was a nurse at the birth center, and training to become a midwife. (Now she is a midwife there!) She told me that what I was feeling was likely pre-labor pain and to drink water, take a hot shower, and keep an eye on it. I sat up to get ready for work, and on the edge of the bed, I felt my water break. A lot of fluid came out as I rushed to the bathroom. I sat down and let it flow, and when I wiped, I saw my bloody show. I couldn’t believe it! I never imagined my baby would come before her due date of September 20, let alone 2 weeks beforehand!
I texted my mom again and continued to try to get ready for work, but I kept gushing fluid. I woke up Frank and told him what was going on. He was as shocked as I was. We were definitely not ready. I’d had what (I realize in retrospect) was a nesting urge on that Monday, and had run several errands and cleaned the bathrooms. When Frank had come home from work that night at 9:30 to find me cleaning the bathroom—when I usually was either already in bed or getting ready to go—he said I seemed like I had more energy. I replied that it was panic!
I called the midwife at the birth center and explained what was going on. I asked her was this it, and should I go to work? (Not thinking straight) She said yes, and no! Our plan was to go to Durham to labor at my parents’ house with my mom, since we live two hours from the birth center. However, Frank had a presentation to do for class, so we spent a few minutes debating about if he should go do his presentation, or if we should just go to Durham. In the end we decided to go ahead and go. I continued to have backache cramps throughout the time that it took us to get ready to go. We had to pack Tara’s diaper bag, get the car seat in the car, and pack what we wanted for the birth center. It was a whirlwind!
We finally got on the road, and I continued having these mild contractions. At the time I did not realize they weren’t real labor contractions! When we got to my parents’ house, I was encouraged to rest and eat well. That’s pretty much what I did most of the day. My mom and I made banana bread (I had a towel in between my legs the whole day because my water continued to gush at random intervals!), watched movies, and napped. The midwives continued to check in on me, and asked us to come in for an NST and to make a plan for encouraging labor if things had not intensified by 6 PM. I had mild contractions all day, but real labor still hadn’t started by 6 PM.
I had a great dinner with my parents and Frank, and then we drove over for the NST. I was told that it was a picture perfect strip, and that she was doing great. I was having mild contractions about every 6 minutes. This was a pretty stressful visit to the birth center, and after much conversation, the plan was to go home and get really relaxed, take some sleep medication, and go to bed. I would have to go in to be evaluated again in the morning if labor didn’t start. This was really confusing to me, because with my water broken, and mild contractions, I thought I was in labor. I went home pretty anxious, and tried my best to relax. I took the aconite I was given (a homeopathic remedy to help with anxiety), and took a bath with clary sage. We went to bed, and I tried to sleep. It was difficult, but I finally did go to sleep (after a quick crying break in frustration!).
I woke up again with increasingly painful contractions at 1:15am, after only sleeping for a couple hours! I let them come, falling asleep in between, for a long while. Around 3 AM, they were strong enough that I could no longer sleep, so I woke up Frank and my mom. I fretted for a while trying to figure out where I wanted to be and eventually settled in my mom’s bed, with a hot pad on my back and Frank on one side of me. I labored like that for a long while, and eventually had to vocalize to make it through the contractions. My mom took on the task of timing my contractions, because it had become obvious when they were happening and I didn’t need to tell her!
At some point I started needing to vomit after really bad contractions. All the water and Gatorade that I’d had that morning came up. I had taken some doses of Suki’s labor and delivery herbal tincture, and that painfully came up as well. After vomiting up Suki’s tincture a few times, we learned that I was NOT going to be able to keep it down! Mom or Frank held a bowl for me to vomit into—they are such champs!
Over the course of the morning, my contractions started getting closer together, but plateaued at about 5 or 6 minutes apart. I got into the tub around 8 AM. Contractions were ramping up, and I started having a hard time coping. I was crying and saying I didn’t understand how to do this. All the while I was vomiting bile after every 3-4 contractions. I would say, “I need to vomit,” and one of my puke fairies would arrive with the bowl. Around 9 AM, my mom thought it would be good to go to the birth center, since I hadn’t been able to keep any fluids down and the contractions were feeling unmanageable. Quite honestly, I was still really stressed and wondering if I was really in labor or if they would send me home. But she called Carey, the midwife, and off we went.
During the ride to the birth center, my contractions essentially stopped! That’s not to say I was feeling fine, but at least I didn’t have contractions in the car for about 30 minutes. When we arrived, I started feeling nauseated when Frank was parking the car. He had to pull the car out and adjust more than once when parking, and I made him stop so I could go in because I thought I would throw up! I went in feeling kind of like a madwoman. I could feel the labor ramping back up and was a bit out of it. It was surreal to me that they welcomed me like I was entering a spa, with warm smiles and, “we have the peach room ready for you.” I got in there, and after a few back-to-back contractions, my nurse Asha quickly became my puke fairy!
We went over what had already transpired, and I got an IV for a liter of much needed fluids. At that time, Carey checked my cervix, and it was 5cm dilated, 100% effaced, and Tara was at a 0 station. She was very excited! I was having no luck coping on the bed, and they filled up the tub for me. I labored in the tub for a long time. I was able to get into a groove then. Frank sat on a stool at my head and held my hand through my contractions and gave me little sips of water when I needed them (unfortunately this water all came back up!). My mom was also seated by the tub, and she would hold the vomit tray for me or help reassure me that everything was going well. I was able to fall asleep on the bath pillow between contractions for most of the time. The lights were dimmed, and it was a very quiet and serene process except for my loud vocalizations during contractions. I remember locking eyes with Frank, but yelling out, “Mommy!” more than once. I had a bit of trouble trusting my body. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, or that I was somehow doing it wrong. Everyone assured me that I WAS doing it! There were times when I opened my eyes between contractions, and everyone was sitting calmly by the tub, observing. What a surreal moment!
Around 1 PM, I had to get out of the tub because Tara’s heart rate had increased. She had been doing very well with heart rate the whole time. Again I struggled to cope on land. I didn’t want to move, because moving brought on intense waves of contractions that led to vomiting, so I lay on my side in the bed and felt fairly miserable. Carey checked my cervix again, and it had progressed to 8 cm, and Tara was at +1 station. Again, she was very excited! Myself, I had the feeling that it was going too slow!
At this point I was VERY uncomfortable, and feeling nervous about continuing. I asked how many more contractions, and of course no one could tell me. My mom got emotional. She was just overwhelmed with emotion, and it was harder than she had anticipated to see me in pain. When she started crying, I got a bit snappy and said, “You’re supposed to be helping me! You’re going to have to go if you can’t!” There was some murmured conversation between her, Carey, and Asha, and she left for a few minutes. When she came back, she was done crying. She wasn’t going to miss this!
After a bit of time on land, I was still struggling to find a groove again. At about 1:45, my mom asked if it was an option to get back in the tub, and everyone agreed that would be best.
The time before pushing is a bit of a blur. Around 2:30, Carey checked once again, and my cervix was 10 cm! Finally my contractions were coming closer together, which was really overwhelming! I had written in my birth plan that I wasn’t sure about giving birth in the tub, and she asked me if I wanted to get out. That was a big fat NOPE! The tub was my home at that point.
Carey gave me the go ahead to push with contractions. This was another somewhat confusing time for me. They told me to feel her head, so I knew how close she was. It was frustrating that she slipped back up a bit when I stopped pushing, but they assured me she was making progress and that I was about to meet my girl! At one point, I had to tell my mom to stop petting Tara’s head! They told me she had a lot of dark hair. It was exciting and my mom got emotional because I had been saying she’d have her dad’s dark hair and my green eyes (like Scarlet O’Hara!). I’m a bit embarrassed, but my vocalizations with pushing became screams. It was just an all-encompassing feeling, and I had to scream! Carey and Asha gently coached me with breathing, vocalization, and positioning. I held Frank’s hand and the metal bar above my head and just pushed with all my strength. I couldn’t believe I was pushing out my baby girl!
I had been essentially holding myself in a certain position because moving made contractions come on strong. Carey calmly suggested that I shift my hips over to the other side. I reluctantly did so, and sure enough the contractions came on strong—but these were the ones that brought my girl’s head out into the water. What a crazy feeling, to have to wait to birth her body with her head in the water! Carey unlooped her umbilical cord from around her neck. Then with the next pushes, my mom and Carey guided her body out! So my mom is one of the ones that got to catch Tara! Frank stayed by my head and held my hand. As Tara’s body was being birthed at 3:09, my sister called my mom. Her phone was being used to play soft music, but as Sam called (talk about sister ESP!), a rap song came over the speakers: “All I do is win, win, win!”
They placed Tara on my chest, and Frank and I got to see our little girl for the first time. I kissed her little head and held her in complete disbelief. Mom got my sister on Facetime, and she got to be part of the moment as well. What was amazing was how the pain just melted away. The most intense physical experience of my life had just happened, but I felt nothing in my body! Mom cut Tara’s cord after it stopped pulsing. Frank held Tara skin to skin as I got out of the tub with Asha’s help. I was amazed that I could even walk, but I felt pretty good! Then I had to birth the placenta—no fair! Another contraction, after all that! The bottle of cold Gatorade that Asha brought me tasted better than any liquid I’d ever drank before! Carey had to stitch a minor tear, and I held Tara on my chest, grimacing.
Despite how unsure I felt throughout much of the process, Tara came into this world perfectly and in good health. As Carey was leaving, she said, “The next one will be much easier!” That made me laugh as I looked at my new little one, and we started our adventure.