By Ashley Gatling
“It’s easy,” they say….”it’s natural,” they say…”you have big breasts, that’ll make everything so much better!”
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was going to breastfeed. I imagined giving birth, my baby laying on my stomach and crawling towards my breast, latching like a champ and just thriving for the next 24 months with no issues!
Then reality hit. Thanksgiving Day 2017, we welcomed Ashton Luke into the world. It was the most amazing labor: peaceful and quick, totally unlike what is said to be the “normal” labor for first time moms. But what came after labor, that was the true beast. I hemorrhaged pretty badly, causing me to lose 1.5 liters of blood, which resulted in me needing lots of fluids. The fluids caused me to swell, which made latching extremely difficult for baby boy, but he did it! We left WBWC with him latching pretty well!
Day two, I’m thinking we are going strong. He hadn’t lost too much weight at our home visit. He had been sleeping pretty well. I figured it was safe to say that I was killing it at this mom thing…. Until Day 5. I knew that everyone said all we needed to do was Sleep, Pee, Eat, Nurse and Drink, but that was LITERALLY ALL I did! HE NEVER STOPPED NURSING, and if he wasn’t nursing he was screaming! It was torture, but I thought it was normal, babies cry, this was of course the 4th trimester. But I started to feel as though I was losing my mind. My son would nurse for forty-five minutes to an hour, fall asleep, then wake up thirty minutes later wanting to nurse again. It was a never ending cycle of dread and pain. I was constantly told that breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt, but every time we nursed I sat on the edge of my chair, clenching my teeth.
I finally realized that I couldn’t do this alone. I decided to pay a visit to the amazing Rebecca Costello! Luckily, we were able to be seen the next day. I explained what was going on, how nursing hurt and seemed to never end. Rebecca checked us both out and did a weighted feed. Ashton wasn’t transferring much milk while nursing; after nursing over 40 minutes he was moving barely an ounce. We went home with new nursing positions and tips to keep Ashton awake during feedings. I learned how to hand express to relieve myself.
I felt good after our visit, like what I was going through was normal and able to be fixed. I began being more vigilant on keeping Ashton awake, continued to nurse on demand, and did everything right. Until a few days later, when I woke up drenched in sweat with chattering teeth. I couldn’t move, my head was pounding, and I could barely pick up my baby. From the breastfeeding classes, I already knew what it was…the dreaded M word, mastitis.
I had learned about Mastitis in our first breastfeeding class and on the internet, but I had NO clue it would feel the way it did. I thought I was literally dying. My husband kicked into rescue mode! He called the nurse line, and we had an appointment at WBWC within hours. I popped Ibuprofen and cloves of garlic, and tried to nurse and rest. But Ashton would not latch at all. He screamed and fought; the more he screamed, the more I cried. I felt overwhelmed; I felt like giving up; I felt confused; I felt like I was not enough. How could something so natural be so difficult, cause so much pain, confusion and frustration? I was LOST!
When we got to our appointment, mastitis was confirmed. We worked on Ashton’s latch, and I received some breast massage and reverse pressure softening. I shed a lot of tears at that appointment, but I was determined to not give up and to push through the pain. Rebecca could tell that with every attempt at latching was worse than the attempt before, but she always gave me a much-needed “you can do it” or “you’re so strong” before asking if I needed a break.
Even after the round of antibiotics, nursing first then pumping, I was still having issues with pain and long nursing sessions. Rebecca checked us out again. We had been evaluated for tongue tie before, but I don’t know what made Rebecca want to check again but I am so glad she did. She looked in my son’s mouth with wonder, then immediately asked Ellen to take a look. They both thought he could have a posterior tongue tie and immediately started making phone calls to ENT’s and dentists. By now we were only a few days before Christmas; many doctors. were preparing to take time off to spend with their families for the holiday, but luckily we were able to get evaluated for a tongue tie the next day. At our appointment, a posterior tongue tie was confirmed and we were scheduled to have it released the next day (time crunch I know, but we wanted to at least try to enjoy Christmas!)
After his revision and a few sessions of feeding or “suck” therapy, we started to see major improvements in nursing! It wasn’t as painful! We were finally nursing for less than 30 minutes., and Ashton started making major strides in weight gain! It was an amazing feeling! I finally felt like I was getting something right! My boy seemed happier and of course had a super full belly!
Though we did have a few more bouts of mastitis, mainly after I returned to work and relied more on pumping than I did while I was at home, we prevailed! I mastered manipulating my pump, I learned how much time my body needed to empty, and what I could do to relax during pumping sessions.
Though I hated pumping, I knew it was something that I had to do, and I learned quickly that, I loved my pump break at work, so it ended up being a win-win situation.
My nursing journey was and is far from pretty, but it was informative. I learned so much about breastfeeding and about myself. I am strong, I am a warrior, I can do all things and most important, I can feed my baby with my body!
Ashton is now 15 months, and were still nursing strong, with no end in sight!
