In 2019, we will be sharing some stories of breastfeeding from our MILC mamas. Just like birth stories, every breastfeeding story is a little different, with its own challenges and triumphs. We believe sharing these stories helps normalize breastfeeding – all of breastfeeding, including the hard parts! Thank you so much to Melody for sharing her story this month – she navigated various obstacles on the way to reaching her breastfeeding goals.
By Melody Walker
I don’t often reflect on my journey with labor, delivery and breastfeeding, because it’s taken a long time to come to a place of peace with how things went. One of my good friends had both of her boys at home, and struggled to finally get to a good place with breastfeeding. She was one of my biggest influences. I didn’t think my husband would be OK with a home birth, so I decided on the birth center as a compromise. I didn’t have any other face-to-face friends to talk with about this, but I joined every Facebook group and reached out to those ladies I knew had similar values/goals, even if they were far away.
I labored at home/running errands for about 6 hours before my water broke. I didn’t rush in, but headed that way to check where I was. The aforementioned friend served as my doula, and I also had a photographer – they were so amazing and exactly what I needed. I labored all over the place in and around WBWC! I was there 30ish hours before I transferred. There’s so much I would say about this point in labor but ultimately it was a dark place. My doula and photographer left. My husband refused to allow my mom in the room. I was given the epidural and was able to sleep for about 2 hours. I woke up and was ready to have this baby. She still wasn’t earthside for a few more hours (over 40 hours of labor).
I had several nurses and lactation consultants visit me and try to help me nurse. The doctors talked me out of revising her tongue tie. I had a healthy baby, but it was a far cry from the dream I wanted! I become more determined that no one, and I do mean no one, was going to take breastfeeding from me! I didn’t realize at the time how hard I was struggling with postpartum anxiety. It would take months for me to wake up to this. Everyone and everything I read was about depression and sad feelings. For me I didn’t feel sad, I felt anxious!
With breastfeeding, the home visit nurse helped, since she was able to see our bed and help me side lie to nurse. My friend in Ohio is large-breasted and was able to help me figure out a way to nurse that was comfortable for my girl and myself. After a weeks and many calls with WBWC, I figured out nursing and what worked for us. When I nursed one side I would pump the other and freeze it. I got used to wearing a pumping bra over a regular nursing bra early on. I ended up donating gallons of milk to 3 babies other than my own.
A couple of weeks before returning to work, I really begin to try to get her on a schedule that would match my breaks. I’m a dental hygienist and have some freedom with my schedule to make/create time to pump. Before I went out on leave, I had planned with my work to have a break at 10:30 and 3. My original schedule was to wake up, nurse and pump about 5:30. Pump again at 7:30 on the way to work, pump at 10:30. She stayed with my mother-in-law, who was close enough I could usually go on my lunch breaks, so I would nurse and pump the other side. Pump 3-3:30 and then again before bed. She of course nursed once we got home. She didn’t sleep through the night till after she was 2.5 years old – so there was night nursing and pumping too!
The 3:00 break was the first to go, mostly because my schedule just wouldn’t allow it. My in-laws moved further away. My pumping schedule evolved to pumping in the car both on the way to work and to pick her up after work. I continued to pump at 10:30 and lunch. Lunch was the next to go, and driving and pumping last.
My now ex-husband wanted me to quit even before 6 months, because he thought I was keeping him from being close to her. We kept going. People at work/my friends, while generally supportive, hadn’t experienced extended breastfeeding. We kept going. My mom, who was my biggest supporter, didn’t breastfeed past 6 weeks. She was such an encouragement but didn’t really have personal experience. We kept going. I’m not sharing any of this to induce feelings of sadness for me! However, I know I’m not the only one who felt alone, or that you’re fighting this huge battle to protect and feed your baby the way we were designed to. I wanted to be able to give her the nutrients, antibodies, and all the things my body could give her! We VERY slowly weaned from nursing and we were done the week after she turned 3. I fought hard and we ended our journey breastfeeding on terms I could be proud of!!